“Reredos”
What I thought it meant: To edit and complete something that has already been edited and completed.
The exhausted sculptor hoped, after five arduous and time-consuming reredos, that the canon would finally be satisfied with the ornate altarpiece.
What it really means: It is the decoration behind the altar in a church that depicts religious scenes and icons.
The canon noticed that the Last Supper in the new reredos was missing an Apostle, so he had it sent back to the sculptor.
“Mandatum”
What I thought it meant: A survey or questionnaire that by law one is required to truthfully complete, as the census.
When Father Rick saw the part in the mandatum inquiring how many children he had, he thought he ought to write down the two thousand people he serves in his parish.
What it really means: The new commandment Jesus left with the Twelve Apostles at the Last Supper, to love one another as Jesus loved them (John 13:34-35); it also refers to the priests’ washing of his parishioners’ feet during Holy Thursday Mass.
If it were possible for every single one of his flock to be honored during the mandatum, Father Rick would have washed each foot with great humility.
“Metanoia”
What I thought it meant: The antonym of paranoia, it is the condition wherein one is overly trustful of a person or feels certainty at the occurrence of an event with ideal results; overconfidence.
Brother Henry met with Jerry after school to debunk his metanoia that submitting extra credit work will make up for his extremely disruptive behavior.
What it really means: When one makes a full and honest repentance, thus permanently changing their character; a spiritual conversion.
After inspiring Jerry’s wholehearted metanoia, Brother Henry had no doubts he could get every single delinquent in his charge to do the same.
“Peculium”
What I thought it meant: Something that is unusual or varies from the normal.
The abbess noted the peculium in how the novices skittishly returned late from their afternoon walk.
What it really means: Money permitted to a religious with a vow of poverty, provided they spend it prudently.
A few days later, the abbess followed the trail of ants to the stash of Gummy Bears the novices had purchased with their peculium.
“Baldachino”
What I thought it meant: Starbucks’ new espresso-based iced or blended beverage; so strong, it’ll put hair on your chest.
Knowing that it was going to be a hot and humid day for the long Corpus Christi procession, Reggie savored his venti Baldachino before reporting to the sacristy.
What it really means: It is the fixed canopy over a high altar or episcopal throne, or a portable one used outdoors.
Because he was one of the last volunteers to arrive, Reggie was assigned to help carry the cumbersome baldachino for the entire two-mile route.
“Parousia”
What I thought it meant: The state of drowsiness brought upon by the recitation of long, meditative prayers or participation in an extended, solemn rite.
The multiple readings interspersed with melancholic hymns during the Easter Vigil put Charlotte in a state of parousia.
What it really means: The second coming of Jesus Christ.
Had the parousia occurred at that moment, the Lord would have found Charlotte asleep during Mass.
“Diadem”
What I thought it meant: During the early days of the internet, it was the contraction for “dial-up modem.”
During his first week of missionary work in a remote village of India, Giuseppe found it frustrating to stay in contact with his family due to the slow diadem connection at the local schoolhouse.
What it really means: Seen in artistic depictions, like a halo, it is a crown or circle-shaped headdress symbolizing the wearer is deserving of reverence.
The Missionary of Charity allowed Giuseppe to use their high speed DSL, and from then he pictured her veil as a blue and white diadem.
“Papabile”
What I thought it meant: The official name of the Popemobile–any of a number of modified vehicles designed so that the pontiff could be visible to onlookers while protecting him.
The assembled cardinals lined the driveway as the aging pope’s Papabile pulled up to the entrance.
What it really means: A cardinal of the Church anticipated to be elected the next pope.
Among the first to greet Il Papa once the car came to a halt was the Dean of the College of Cardinals, considered by many the leading papabile.
A very inspirational woman from the Diocese came to speak to our parents and sponsors last night, in this the final week before our Year II class gets “sealed with the Holy Spirit.” She shared this joke with us as an introduction. Upon hearing the punchline I knew I was going to share it with you here. I shined up the story a bit from her original, but the point remains.
Bats in the Belfry
There was this cathedral that had a problem with bats in the belfry. The youngest priest, newly ordained, wanted to impress the Bishop by taking a shot at getting rid of them. He took the easiest, most practical, and humane approach. He had them gathered into a net and released them in the nearby woods. The bats, unfortunately, found their way back and reclaimed the belfry.
A second priest, who’s been at the cathedral a number of years, attempted a more drastic approach, knowing the Bishop expected more from him. He gathered a posse of Knights of Columbus armed with two-by-fours and baseball bats and they assailed the belfry hoping to scare the pests away. The bats, however, held their ground and even grew more aggressive than before.
Humbled, the two approached the wise Bishop. He assured his subordinates that his plan was foolproof and even guaranteed that by the following morning, not only would the bats be gone, that they would also never return.
The next day, as the two doubtful priests approached the cathedral, they saw the Bishop on his way out. And, sure enough, there was no more commotion of bats coming from the belfry–no sign of them anywhere.
The priests exclaimed, “Your excellency! How did you get rid of all those bats?”
“Simple,” the Bishop grinned. “I Confirmed them.”
Check out some Confirmation Gifts.
“Vulgate Version”
What I thought it meant: An edition of a film or book that contains inappropriate content.
Mrs. O’Riordan warned Henry about watching the unedited, vulgate version of the popular secular film.
What it really means: It is an authoritative Latin translation of the Catholic Bible undertaken by St. Jerome in the 5th Century.
To purge Henry of the bad words he learned from the movie, Mrs. O’Riordan had him declaim lines of scripture from the Vulgate Version.
